Letter to Joseph B

Dear Joseph,

I’m not really sure how to start this letter to you.  I know I won’t be able to send it to you since you decided to stop talking or communicating whatsoever to me.  Perhaps you’ll find this while searching online for your various hockey tidbits…about all the NHL drafts and trades, free agents movements, Russian hockey players being drafted to the Red Wings and such.  Maybe you’ll find this, read this and understand.

I really don’t know what happened, Mr Bartok, you never took the time or made the effort to explain anything.  You and I were in love; we were happy.  We laughed and made love.  We had common interests and goals in life.  Yes we didn’t have the same backgrounds but that didn’t matter (at least not to me).  I loved you with all my heart and soul and gave you everything I could to make you happy; to treat you in ways that nobody ever did for you.  I know you had a rough life and I wanted to make things better.  I wanted to make you happy.  And we were happy.  At least I thought we were.

Then you disappeared on me.  After promises of always being there.  After promises of never disappearing on me.  After telling me you loved me and that I was one of the best things that ever happened to you.  You disappeared without an explanation.  Last I heard from you was that you were still figuring out if you should make the move out here to California.  You said it’s what you wanted but you still had some “math” to do. 

I let you know I was buying a house (which I have…I have my very own house now!) and then things changed.  I think things got too real for you.  You were only “playing” house while I was living it.  Although I don’t know.  You NEVER had the decency to call me and tell me why.  The last words I heard from you were just empty promises.

Even when I thought I was pregnant and left you a voice message, text message, and email letting you know I might be, you never responded.  The last text I got from you was “relax.”  How could I?  I was thinking I had a baby on the way that I would have to raise on my own.  As fate, or luck, would have it, I’m not pregnant right now.  I was but something happened early on and I lost it.  Turns out it took after its dad…and just disappeared.  It too left me without a trace.

I loved you with all my heart.  A part of me will always love you.  It’s incredibly and extremely rare that I give my heart to anybody.  You’re only the second person to have received it.

And I was ready to give you the world.  All your dreams would have come true.  In fact I DID give you the world when we were together.  You wanted for nothing.  Perhaps that was the problem.  I made it way too easy for you.  And you got used to it.  I could see that.  Then started to take advantage.  Then POOF…gone.

And that’s probably a good thing.  I need a man.  And it’s obvious with all your actions and broken promises and pretty words that you are NOT a man.  You told me many times not to mistake your kindness for weakness.  There’s absolutely no way to mistake that since there was NO kindness in your heart, ONLY weakness.  You said you had a big heart and were concerned your penis was too small.  You got it backwards.  Your heart is too small.

And you asked why bad things always happen to you.  You asked why things never went your way.  As I see it they did go your way when you were with me.  But the reason behind why things don’t go your way is twofold:  when they do you become a chicken shit and run and hide under mommy’s skirt and two, karma my friend.  Karma is a bitch sometimes.  Do unto others as you would have done unto you.  You don’t deserve to have things go your way….that’s why they don’t.

So Mr Bartok, if you were a REAL man (which I know you are not)  you would’ve called me and told me the truth.  Instead you took the chicken’s way out.  You played a game and it got too real and you couldn’t deal with it.  Besides the fact that you’re still married to a woman out in Florida and don’t have the balls to get a divorce, you’re just a little boy that tries to play a man’s game and then can’t deal and hide under mommy’s skirt.

It’s too bad too.  You had the world and let it go.  That ‘happily ever after’ you wanted was right there within your reach and you turned and ran.  Poor sad pathetic little boy.

Well, for all the miles between us and for all the time that’s passed you would think I haven’t gotten very far.  And I hope my hasty heart will forgive me just this once if I stop to wonder how on Earth you are.  You’re better as a memory than as my man.  I pray to God every day that he help me to forget you.  You were a mistake in my life that I’d sooner like to forget.  It didn’t have to be this way and it’s all your fault it is this way.  They say never to regret something in your life that made you happy…but I regret ever answering you when you tried contacting me.  I should’ve trusted my instinct and ignored you. 

And I wonder how many women you’ve done this to.  I’m sure this is a pattern.  You probably play this game all the time and get your jollies out of being a jigalow.

You have my number.  You have my email address.  You have my old home address.  You know how to contact me.  As for me, this is my last attempt. 

Goodbye Joseph.

~Sharks Fan