Will it ever end?

Ok…I’ve been in my new house since mid-July now.  I got the keys to my house at the end of June.  In that time my AC has gone down 3 times, I do not have cable in this “cable ready” house, no phone, no internet (I’m borrowing from a friend now) the stairs have the tacks still showing, the dishwasher is leaking, the dryer is missing a filter and my laundry room door won’t close because the door wasn’t cut right.

This is a BRAND NEW house.  I didn’t think problems would be so rampant in a newly built house.  I always heard that there were problems when you moved in somebody else’s house…since they’ve worn it out.  I didn’t realize more problems occurred in a new house.

I feel so lost here.  I have my friend across the street but she’s having issues of her own to deal with…personal issues and I will always be there for her. 

But I’m having issues moving to a new place, my employer not giving a damn about me to give me any training or support in this new enviornment and the builder of the house not giving a damn about all their errors.

Before I talked about being a “house owner” vs a “home owner.”  I stick with that statement.  I haven’t found a home yet.  I went “home” to San Jose a few days ago to pick up Parker, my baby girl (my 4-year old german shephard lab mix).  My parents took her while I tried to get things straightened away.  I was so lonely without her.  But driving back to my house from San Jose I couldn’t help but wonder if I had made a mistake.

I love San Jose.  I always will.  It will always be my home.  My Sharks are there.  My family is there.  My comfort is there.  I’m so unhappy here I can’t help but think every day that I made a mistake.  Work sucks.  House problems suck.  Feels like life sucks.

Something’s missing.  I don’t know what.  Some days I think it’s a man.  Once in awhile I think it’s a child.  In the end I don’t know what it is but it’s something big.

I’m tired of feeling lost.  And I don’t know what to do about it.  I know only I can make the changes I need but every time I think I’ve gotten somewhere something pushes me back a few feet.  I wish I knew what to do to get control back.  But I’m just so lost.  And I’m very impatient that I can’t just sit back and ‘let’ things happen.  I need to MAKE things happen, I know that.  

I just wish I knew what to do.