POOF!

I just have to laugh.  It’s gotten so rediculous I just can’t help but laugh anymore.  I’ve moved into my new house in July.  Things didn’t go smoothly to say the least but over the last couple months things began to smooth out somewhat.  I have wonderful neighbors…the kind of neighbors you hope for when you move to a new neighborhood.  Kids playing in the street.  People say hi and chat as you pass each other by.  I’ll see one walking in the neighborhood and invite them over for a glass of wine and a chat.  I have one neighbor that takes my dog every day while I’m at work so she doesn’t have to be alone.  Just good people all around me.

So that made me want to try dating again.  I’m in a new town, new people, why not date right?  So I have.  I’ve met some interesting people to say the least.  But just as in a previous post, my letter to Joseph B, the men just disappear.  One man I dated said he’d never had as much fun with a woman as he did with me.  He was excited I was in his life.  Then POOF, gone.  No call, no explanation, no nothing even after I tried contacting him.

Another man seemed very nice.  He talked about wanting to take care of me.  Wanting to treat me like no man has treated me.  Be romantic.  We had so much fun.  I laughed so much.  Then POOF, gone.  Same thing…no call, no explanation, no nothing even after I tried contacting him.

Then this other man came into my life.  He is intelligent, loves hockey like I do, shares the same political views as I have, can keep up with me in my sarcasm and wit, likes to be affectionate, a very handsome tall strong man.  He told me he couldn’t stop thinking about me.  He said it was so nice to finally meet a woman like me.  Once again POOF.

I wish I knew what it is that went wrong.  These men tell me how wonderful I am then completely disappear.  If they hadn’t told me how much they love being with me and we had arguments or ill feelings I’d be able to understand better.  Or if they’d tell me what was wrong maybe I could fix it.  But when they build me up by telling me how wonderful they think I am and how happy they are to find me it makes it extremely difficult to understand why they go POOF.

I’ve asked my guy friends this very question.  They have no answer for me.  They just tell me it’s not anything I’ve done wrong.  But I’m the common denominator.  What could I be doing wrong?  What am I doing wrong?  I wish I knew so I could fix it.

The only thing I’ve been told is that it’s because I’m too good to be true.  Or that men don’t feel that I need them and they need a woman who needs them.  What I need is for them not to go POOF.  What I need, like any other human being, is to feel loved.

I’m an independent woman who owns her own house and car, who is intelligent and educated, who lives alone but is strong.  Am I scaring men away because of who I am?  Am I truly destined to be alone the rest of my life?  I wish somebody had answers out there because I keep banging my head against the wall trying to figure things out.

How many times can I break ’til I’ve shattered?

I just want to find a man that compliments me as I do him.  I’m not perfect.  I’m not asking for the perfect man.  I’m asking for the perfect man for me as I would be the perfect woman for him.  I’m asking for a man that won’t go POOF.