Dear God…

I came to you a little over a year ago, the first time praying for you to bring somebody into my life with certain qualities.  It was suggested to me to do that.  I’m not used to doing something like that.  I’m used to praying for other people, not myself.  I just don’t feel right asking for something for myself.  I feel it to be selfish.  I know my acts may show otherwise but when I ask anything from or from You, I ask for somebody else.  That was the first time I truly asked for something for myself.

After I asked you, not much later, you brought him to me.  I was absolutely blown away and amazed you found him and brought him to me.  After years of searching and hoping, the one time I prayed for him you brought him to me.

Maybe I was dumb, maybe he was dumb, but things fell apart.  Since then I tried to focus on other things, other people.  I tried to find what I had in him and forget about him.  But in the end there were always things that kept him on my mind.  Little things almost on a daily basis that reminded me of him.  All these reminders built up over the last few weeks.  I don’t know if it was you or coincidence or my mind playing tricks on me but songs, food, drinks, and even the person I was ‘dating’ at the time reminded me of him.  He treated me the best of anybody I went out with.  He was the best fit of anybody I dated.

So I either did something dumb again or smart, I don’t really know.  I contacted him again telling him he’s been on my mind.  He replied.  We’ve been in contact ever since.  He’s still in a bad place in life, working all the time.  He truly has no time for anybody in his life.  But he tells me daily he wants to see me.  I miss him so much.  I’ve been able to get over every guy I ever dated, finding reasons they weren’t good for me.  He is the only one that hasn’t happened with.  I compare, whether consciously or subconsciously, every guy I date to him.  The way he looked at me, the way he treated me, he truly adored me.  But he couldn’t give me a valuable thing in a relationship:  time.

I’m coming to you again because I don’t know what else to do.  My heart thought before it wanted some things in the past, but in the end I realize it was just a fear of being alone, of never finding somebody.  But with him it’s different.  I’m not afraid to be alone.  I can do very well on my own.  But my heart wants him.  He made me feel safe.  He made me feel beautiful.  He made me feel wanted.  He protected me.  He cared about me.  He wanted to make me happy.  There has never been a guy where all of those things came together like that.  Never. 

So I ask you to help us out.  Help give him strength and time.  Help give me patience.  Help us work this out together.  I truly believe he is my other half.  And it’s not that neither one of us can make it alone, we can.  But I think we would be incredible together.  I’m sorry it took me so long to realize.  I hope he realizes it too.  My heart has never wanted something so badly. 

You brought him in my life when I asked for him.  Could you please help me keep him there?

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